Firstly, Happy Halloween. Isn't it just great to make this day my return? Actually let's forget about the past nine days..coz they were probably the darkest days since I've come back..
Now, at this moment, I feel slightly elevated. Why? Because the early decision deadline is today, and I've completed my best work possible for it. So, one-and-a-half months later, if I didn't get in, I hope that I wouldn't get depressed..
That's it for today. Even though college app process 1st-stage has ended, I still have normal school work, and of course, more college app to finish. Goodnite.
Notice the new, small speakers at the side? Ya, I just got them last week. And they actually sound quite good.
October 22, 2005
It's 3.30am on 23rd I'm still awake.. Why? Because I've been desperately trying to finish HP6, and I did. But it seems to have made me gloomier.. I still can believe that the ever so great he is killed by the person he, regardless of others' exhortation, entrusts so dearly.. Can I trust you?October 19, 2005 Catharsis
Isn't it both disappointing and lacking to see no posts here for four days? Well, I hope you didn't feel that empty during my absense..
So many things happened recently, and they range from personal encounters to school-wide debate. So firstly, let me report my issues. Lately I've become more and more lazy and unproductive during studyhalls.. There's the same sense of emptiness, of low spirits, of solitude every night. I would have nothing done and just pile all work until 2am. What is happening? I don't know.. Perhaps it's because of the widening limitations for seniors - no lights out means longer nights and less sleep, freedom in studyhall causes unproductiveness etc. Or perhaps it's my weakening spirit.. Lately, I'd rather hide myself inside a practice room and play the one and only song I know repeatedly. I'm losing touch with people around me - close friends, distant friends, family, everyone. Our connections detach quietly everyday and adds a blank space for whatever we don't say to each other. In short, I'm losing everyone.
Disappointment and loss are a part of every life. Many times we can put them behind us and get on with the rest of our lives. But not everything is amenable to this approach. Some things are too big or too deep to do this, and we will have to leave important parts of ourselves behind if we treat them in this way. These are the places where wisdom begins to grow in us. It begins with suffering that we do not avoid or rationalize or put behind us. It starts with the realization that our loss, whatever it is, has become a part of us and has altered our lives so profoundly that we cannot go back to the way it was before.
Alas! If I were so sensible and intelligent to constitute my loss into a stage for growth, I wouldn't be snicked by these shards of chagrin.
Today, Mrs. McNeill (my advisor incase you still don't know) and I went to Matteos for lunch and to Kmart for some cookies-stock up. I ordered a sausage tuscan, and it tasted superb. And in Kmart, I got myself a small heat fan that will warm my icy legs in the coming winter.
As for the school-wide debate I mentioned, well, I'm sufficiently dispassionate about it. So, let's leave it untouched, okay? For now, I gotta dive back into my pile of notes to prepare my math test tmr. Bye.
October 15, 2005 See the Sun Again
After more than a week of rainy weather, the sun emerged between the dark clouds this afternoon. Perhaps because of that, the sky looked blue-er than usual. Oh, the looming object in the pix is actually a bee, which flew around my lens. Doesn't it add life to the pix?
So, Korean Club organized a sumptuous feed (why am I using the word 'feed'?! as i said before, we're not animals..we don't need to be fed) tonight. The food was honestly quite good, and it seems that everyone enjoyed themselves. Still, I must blame Wilson for not bringing the video..
After the feed (i really need to replace this word by 'feast'), I remained in the practice room for almost three hours. For what? No, of course not that. I was practicing a song I'm madly in love with. During the practice, M and Morrids came in and gave me some remarkable insights on the piece. My crave for playing the song, and piano, seems to be unfulfillable.
Oh btw, my long-due HP 6 has finally arrived. When will I read it? Not soon, unfortunately..
October 12, 2005 Food for Thought
Last night I spent an hr to finish my started-in-september book, The Zahir by Paul Coelho. Assuming that you all have superior memory, you should remember that I read another book of his, namely The Alchemist, in august. Well, his new book is not merely a philosophical journey this time, it's a man's personal narrative about his lost wife that became his Zahir. You may ask, "what is a Zahir?" And I would say,
Zahir [n] - something which, once touched or seen, can never be forgotten, and which gradually so fills our thoughts that we are driven to madness
The man in the story, or actually the author "I" himself, journeys to the ends of the world to look for his suddenly-disappeared wife - his Zahir. Coelho continues to amaze me (or us) with his spellbinding story-telling skills. Highly recommended.
Meanwhile, school work's going insane. Everything is building up and mid-term grades are due next monday and college apps and...
October 9, 2005
Woke up around 10 today and didn't do math this time..since its long weekend. Well, the whole day was extremely gloomy since the sun never came and the rain kept falling. If anything, weather does play an important role in our everyday mood.
In this afternoon, we decided to play tennis under the rain. We were all drenched, but it seemed that we enjoyed it. As for dinner, Steven cooked some chinese food for us. It's the first time I had real steam rice and tz since I came back. Perhaps thats why it tasted so good? Homologate (v) - confirm.
October 8, 2005 Last SAT
Today's the last time I'd ever have to take the SAT I test. But I almost lost this chance. Why? Because of my fxxking alarm. I remember setting it to 6.25 so that I can wake up earlier, review some questions, and have breakfast. Yet, I instinctively woke up with a start this morning, looked at the alarm, and almost fainted when I saw 7.35. No, I didn't turn up late. But I didn't get the chance to review, and most importantly, to have breakfast. My stomach rumbled throughout the 5-hr test. Well anyway, it's done and I'm done with it. Goodbye to it.
On a brighter note, it has been raining the whole day today. Indeed, what a bright note to end this almost perfect day. Delude (v) - deceive, mislead.
October 7, 2005
It's tomorrow. Things going on my mind now:
1) cogent=sentient=mentally aware
2) enmity=inimical=rancor=hatred
3) exonerate=exculpate=free from blame/burden
Well, it always seemed that the words I know don't appear on the test. But who knows? Sybarite (n) - one who lives a life devoted to luxury and pleasure.
October 6, 2005 Missa Gaia
"A Change in Perspective.." And a little later on your friend goes out to the moon. And now he looks back and he sees the Earth not as something big, where he can see the beautiful details, but now he sees the Earth as a small thing out there. And the contrast between the bright blue and white Christmas tree ornament and the black sky, that infinite universe, really comes through, and the size of it, the significance of it. It is so small and so fragile and such a precious little spot in that universe that you can block it out with your thumb, and you realize that on that small spot, that little blue and white thing, is everything that means anything to you - all of history and music and poetry and art and death and birth and love, tears, joy, games, all of it on that little spot out there that you can cover with your thumb. And you realize from that perspective that you've changed, that there's something new there, that the relationship is no longer what it was. Russell Schweickart, Astronaut
Missa Gaia Concert - Bingham Auditorium It was an awesome concert. We sang with so much energy and power that echoed throughout the hall, and it was as though we were linked as one - between our souls, our voice, our utterance of words, and the audience, there was nothing. We were transported into a different ambit. The concert meant a celebration of the earth, and it truly was, with the additional effects of healing and leaving the cynical world behind us.
October 5, 2005
Well, it seems that daily has turned into one-every-two-days daily. I guess it just exemplifies my conjecture of an overloaded schedule this week.
Until this weekend.. Scrupulous (adj) - conscientious, meticulous.
October 3, 2005 Late-night Snack
I have discovered a new snack lately - Milano. The crispiness of two thin biscuits intertwined with a layer of chocolate (or double chocolate) is simply irresistable. Try it - you'll be delighted by its taste.
Meanwhile, I'm devastated today by some nemesis of mine. Perhaps its a test of my resilience? Detonate (v) - explode.
October 1, 2005 October starts!
It's gonna be such a busy month.. I just can't imagine. Well anyway, today a special guest came and visited me. It was an uncle of mine who also is a professeur at Penn State. We had lunch at Matteos downtown, went to K-mart for some daily conviniences, and returned to taft for a half-hr chat. Quite helpful indeed.
Oh btw, I'm madly in love with the supposedly-eric's-but-currently-placed-in-wilson's-room piano. No, actually, I love playing it. Oh well..what am I talking about.. I guess I'm really too sleeeeeeepy now. So, good nite. Verdure (n) - greenness of vegetation.
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